They can't tell if I'm unhappy if I have an apartment by the beach. There is the nice view and the fancy neighbors and all those luxurious condominium privileges I can just afford by credit, but they don't know that. They don't know that I come home and stare at the TV and watch what I'm going to buy next and try hard not to think about how humiliated I felt today at work and how much I wanted to insult my boss and cry like a baby on my way out as I'd say "enough!". They don't know that. And I'm so fucking used to dress my expensive clothes and drive my stylish car and watch my super high-tech plasma so that not even I know that. And whenever it comes back to me again, I can always just pull out my golden credit card and buy some cool gadget to entertain myself and distract anyone who might nurture some sort of intimate feelings about me.
Let's just learn Chinese on my iPhone and forget that we can't really love each other because we're so completely and selfishly focused in ourselves. Forget the iPhone! I tell you what? Let's do a massage, go to this SPA resort and take good care of our super-sexy bodies. You should take better care of those hips, dear... I think you're getting fatter. Not that it matters, honey, no way. What are you doing?! I told you I don't want those photos on Facebook! Why did you tag me? That trip was so great... Why do you keep reminding me of it? Besides, I don't want people digging in my life. Let's go do somethig wild! Let's go sail! No, I tell you what, let's make a baby! Or even buy one... I'm kidding, I'm kidding, don't worry. Have you seen my new blouse? It's a D&G original! Man, I'm gonna look awesome tonight! Can I borrow your purple heels? Every guy will want me today! Maybe he'll look at me... Oh but he didn't! Why?! What's wrong with him? He's probably just a jerk anyway. And he probably just wants to get laid with that bitch. Tomorrow he won't even know her name... Oh but they're dating? Well, you know what, I'm glad I never actually fell in love with him. Can you imagine? That guy, he'd just make me suffer anyway. He's such a bastard with women. To tell you the truth, I always found him a bit gay... Hey! Hi, do you want to come over and have a beer with me? We could watch a movie or something. Dinner? Ok, cool. Not that I have much money but I can always pull out my golden credit card! No credit? Are you crazy?! What do you mean I'm high?... No way! I'm completely sober! Have you seen her lately? How's the kid? You know, she doesn't let me see him... Guess what? I bought a new bike! It's absolutely gorgeous! My baby...
Shape. How it looks like. How others see it. The fragile surface of social codes, high school codes, professional codes, dress codes, consumption codes... Everything is fine as long as you stick to some sort of pattern. Void.
The door was slightly open. I came inside her beautifully decorated apartment. It smelled like alcohol and cigarettes... The curtains dancing with the fresh salty breeze coming in. The music was too loud. Outside the waves lapping. It was dawn and she was hanging from the balcony. The makeup running down her wet face. She wore an amazing D&G blouse. Amazingly dead. As always...
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