‘I Google You’

I Google you
late at night when I don’t know what to do.
I find photos
you’ve forgotten
you were in
put up by your friends.

I Google you
when the day is done and everything is through.
I read your journal
that you kept.
That month in France
I’ve watched you dance.

And I’m pleased your name is practically unique.
It’s only you and
a would-be PhD in Chesapeake
who writes papers on
the structure of the sun.
I’ve read each one.

I know that I
should let you fade
but there’s that box
and there’s your name.
Somehow it never makes the pain
grow less or fade or disappear.
I think that I should save my soul and
I should crawl back in my hole.
But it’s too easy just to fold
and type your name again.
I fear.
I google you
Whenever I’m alone and feeling blue.
And each scrap of information
That I gather
says you’ve got somebody new.
And it really shouldn’t matter
ought to blow up my computer
but instead...
I google you.

by Neil Gaiman