The monster

Gone mad. Wild, Absolutely delusional hysterical.

So much for easy going understanding sweet tranquil moderate reasonable attitude! Been to hell. Furious with the world, with time, space, people, feelings, internet, work, families, friends, pets, men, woman, children, elder, disabled, retarded, bushes, bycicles, birdies, fruits in trees, sunshine and rain drops... Birth.

Gone out, joined friends, ate too much, belly hurting, drinks wouldn't go down... Feeling dizzy. Choking. Choking in mind, in heart. The whole body choking! Turn red, green and blue. Look like a damn prism, with all those colours in between!!! It was about to come out.

Park car, pretend to talk on the phone as approaching building (whores in the area don't really attract the best crowd), take old blue lift, slide doors, press 3. Going up. 1, 2, stop. Open door, jacket off, scarf off, boots off, dress, tights, underware. All out! Winter cold and still hot. Mobile. Dial emergency number. The monster was about to be delivered!!!

Screams, hair pulls, contractions, tears, pain, anger, clenched teeth, bloodshot eyes, closed fists, veins about to burst, heart pumping... Pump. Pump! Don't stop. Contraction. Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! Screams, punches, violent pushes. Contraction. Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! Don't stop. Sweat it all out. Out! Contraction. Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! Laughs, tears, laughs again, tears, tears, tears. Laughs. Let it all out! Ugly skin, smelly hair, dirty nails, rotting teeth: ALL OUT! PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH!!!

Relief...

Light. Smile.

We're not alone.

Outside, a storm. All wind, thunder and hail...

Single 2009, Slapping 2010

The best thing about this blue mooned year is that it won't repeat. But, then again, that's the best thing about all years, about life.

From a hens day of someone I barely knew to feeding my emotions throught online addiction, I guess the following video is quite representative of what this year meant to me.



Dancing, high heels, sweet grey rainy city, flashmob, beautiful mad women, youtube... I wish I was there!

And to close this chapter I'm having a great party in my tiny house with my dear friends. funny that, there will only be an heterossexual man among us... :D

Next step: become a feminist? HELL NO!!!

Fuck 2009! Let's slap these hips all through 2010, girls!!!

Here's to all my single and non-single friends and non-friends. Here's to people. Here's to Life!

HappyNewYearWithLove. :)

Balanço

É hora de balanço.
"Doce balanço, caminho do mar."
Balanço de mulher a andar.
Balanço sólido, sinuoso;
Gingar curvo, majestoso.
Balanço firme, voluptuoso,
Do alto do salto vertiginoso.
Balanço do vento nas saias,
Do ventre a rodopiar.
Balanço dos cabelos nas ondas,
Dos seios nas mãos.
Balanço dos altos e dos baixos,
Dos gordos, dos magros,
Dos bonitos e dos chanfrados.
Balanço desesperado, sossegado.
Balanço da mulher
Do tempo que passou.
Balanço da vida,
Tão doce,
Que ainda falta...

Sick

Today I'm sick.

I've scratched my eye with the contact lens and it hurts to see. It hurts to see the surface. Because, when I'm sick, there seems to be nothing more but that. And I cry.

We share. We care. Do we? We sweep...

Episode 1: I got an email to which I didn't reply. I got a phone call some days later asking how I was feeling. "Good", I said, "We should go for a coffee."; "Sure, call me. And don't forget to tell me with some days in advance!"; "Right...", I hang up. No, I won't call. I can pretend, though. Love is not easy. Amen!

Episode 2: I walk into a bar. I see some familiar faces. One in particular calls for my attention. It's IB! I look at him. I smile. No reply. We're friends online. Apparently, not offline... The times are changing.

Episode 3: I go to a club. Someone is flirting me. I dance. He's cute. So is everybody else the way I'm wasted!!! We leave. I prefer tea to cute. An sms with an address reaches my mobile... I drink my tea. A few more void messages fade on my cellphone throughout the night. I sleep. Never see cute again. But I still dance and drink tea to avoid hangover!

Episode 4: I live in public. I get feedback. Some I like. Some I don't. Some I'm interested. Some I'm not. InterestingBecomesUninterestingAndViceVersaSoDoI. Got some feedback. Deep meaningful feedback. On the surface. Surfeed backface. Take some medicine drops in my eye and go to sleep.

But my eye still hurts... I keep crying. Crying out loud! Somebody listens. Thank you. I listen to you too. And I get well soon. :)